I'm not sure if anyone chance to stumble upon this blog again and happen to read this article. Its been quite some time since i wrote something and this one,i owe it to the good old me who always wanted to be a writer. Boredom and my inherent laziness had kept me away and now as i sit down to write, i realize how rusty i have become. Words fail me and ideas ,i have none.
A journey unwillingly taken..paths strayed down ,now life has reached a point devoid of choices and yet far to go. The way forward,as apprehensive that i am, must be taken leaving behind a sizable part of me that could weigh me down in the journey ahead. This blog could well be one of those and whose fate hangs on a slender thread of hope!
However hard I try to put it off, life ahead is a predicament I must embrace for my own good. Life so far, which i look back with content and a tinge of remorse for some things left undone had been a bumpy ride.With its fair share of sweet and hard memories life had been quite a journey.
A monologue that this is turning out to be was not what i had in mind. Infact i have no clue as to what i would write.So i guess i will post this as it is.A memoir of many silent musings of a jobless soul!!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Bandits!!
Xth.. The year of the Board Exams.Well,atleast the first one. The first times are always hard ,as the rule goes. As if the burdening fear was not enough the constant pep-talks at home and school were spine chilling experiences and which i heard with face aghast. The catch was that i needed an 80% aggregate if i wish to make it back to Loyola School for my XIIth(now that was a pretty cruel rule that was long due to be scratched off,but there it was).So as you can guess the odds were pretty up against me and truth be told i didn't think i could make it.
'TUTIONS' thus became the life line. I had to rely on it to get my ass past the board exams and even harder,do it with an 80% aggregate. Parents were eager to fix up tutions all around the city for all the subjects i had. After much wrangling i brought it down to 2(maths and physics).
I thought myself pretty lucky since i had my class mates who had tutions for mundane subjects like History and Geography. As if putting up with the types of soils or how the wind blows in a Scandinavian country in Geography or the History books that had the blood curdling and gory wars told about in the most monotonous and 'as-a-matter-of-fact' way was not enough.How those poor fellows put up with more hours of that terrible crap i never know!
Well,there i was sitting not so bad with the tutions, life was dragging on..
Coming to the crux of story,these tutions were mostly arranged after class. We usually had our last hour off at school and it was well spent in an engaging match of football which often led to ugly fights. Nevertheless it was indeed a pretty sight to watch a gang of boys all sweating and dirty with bags flung over their shoulders trudging along the road.Only thing was that,we did much more than just walking!
We usually stopped at these shops on the way to refresh ourselves and get ourselves a drink and something to bite.Boys will be boys and so we did our fair share to be true to that rule.
The innocent teens that we were(that's a pretty lame statement but note the irony) we found it pretty amusing to sneak out stuff from these shops when the guy at the shop had his back turned towards us.
The strategy was quite simple and amateurish.
STEP 1: Pick out a big and spacious shop.This was done since smaller shops had shopkeepers perched over the counter like a hunting vulture watching our every move which made the job tough(we wished to believe that we were righteous in a way since we looted the big and rich and leaving the smaller ones free or something).
STEP 2: We always 'attacked' a shop as a gang and would highly recommend so.
STEP 3: Two or three fellows would engage the shopkeeper by inquiring about the prices or buying something for namesake. Three others would be standing right behind staring around doing nothing in particular so as to veil off the ones behind.
STEP 4: Once this was done the fellows at the rear would empty down the LAYS packets,soft drinks or anything they could lay their hands upon, into their bags .
STEP 5: This being done we would vanish hastily to enjoy our loot elsewhere.
This was the 'modus operandi' and i must admit we were quite successful too. That we didn't frequent the same shop more than once a week went well down with the whole looting thing. Now,that i think of those incidents, i cant but proudly recollect how reckless and wild we were. We went on without being caught and i think that's what made us even more ruthless until that day.
We were as usual walking down the street to our tution classes all tired yet checking out a possible target to stage our 'act'. There weren't much shops open and tired that we were went into the first bakery that we saw. The plans as always was executed to perfection and we soon had our bags stuffed with the necessary merchandise. This being done,we proceeded to move out of the store after paying for the things we had consumed(read visibly) but it was not to be.
The shop keeper stopped us abruptly and asked us to pay for an extra packet of sweets. We stood there sporting an innocent puzzled look which was treasured for such precarious occasions. The shop keeper was not fooled. He grabbed the bag from one of us and took out the packet of sweets dramatically and held it aloft for the rest of customer's to see. We stood there flabbergasted and humiliated, heads hanging down and staring at our dirty shoes. Little did we know that more were yet to come.
"You have to pay for the packet of sweets "
DAMN! This was real trouble.The jerk was making use of our pathetic situation and earning his bucks,but we couldn't complain could we.We pulled out all the money we had and and was counting it feverishly,but it was still not enough! We were a good 40 Rs short of the price and we had to no clue about whats to be done.
It was then lady luck appeared in the form of a kind young lady,to prise us out of the situation. She paid the price and what more,let us have the packet of sweets too(BLIMEY!!).She was in her late thirties i guess and had a kind little face. The shopkeeper stared at us with an evil grin and nonchalantly accepted the money from her(the prick).We stood there flummoxed and stammering out words of gratitude. She waved off our apologies with a big smile and advised us not to do such a thing again and walked away. I never saw her again!
We walked back to our class with heavy hearts and all disappointed! I don't think anyone of us listened to what teacher taught that day and were lost in our thoughts.It was a setback! Once the guilt died down we racked our brains to find what gave us away at the shop to no avail.
I will never know what went wrong that day and how we got caught but i will always remember that smiling lady and her deed that saved our ass. We never went shoplifting again.
P.s: The stunts above were performed by experts and should not be tried out elsewhere by any reader. The author will bear no responsibility for the consequence!
'TUTIONS' thus became the life line. I had to rely on it to get my ass past the board exams and even harder,do it with an 80% aggregate. Parents were eager to fix up tutions all around the city for all the subjects i had. After much wrangling i brought it down to 2(maths and physics).
I thought myself pretty lucky since i had my class mates who had tutions for mundane subjects like History and Geography. As if putting up with the types of soils or how the wind blows in a Scandinavian country in Geography or the History books that had the blood curdling and gory wars told about in the most monotonous and 'as-a-matter-of-fact' way was not enough.How those poor fellows put up with more hours of that terrible crap i never know!
Well,there i was sitting not so bad with the tutions, life was dragging on..
Coming to the crux of story,these tutions were mostly arranged after class. We usually had our last hour off at school and it was well spent in an engaging match of football which often led to ugly fights. Nevertheless it was indeed a pretty sight to watch a gang of boys all sweating and dirty with bags flung over their shoulders trudging along the road.Only thing was that,we did much more than just walking!
We usually stopped at these shops on the way to refresh ourselves and get ourselves a drink and something to bite.Boys will be boys and so we did our fair share to be true to that rule.
Shoplifting!!
The innocent teens that we were(that's a pretty lame statement but note the irony) we found it pretty amusing to sneak out stuff from these shops when the guy at the shop had his back turned towards us.
The strategy was quite simple and amateurish.
STEP 1: Pick out a big and spacious shop.This was done since smaller shops had shopkeepers perched over the counter like a hunting vulture watching our every move which made the job tough(we wished to believe that we were righteous in a way since we looted the big and rich and leaving the smaller ones free or something).
STEP 2: We always 'attacked' a shop as a gang and would highly recommend so.
STEP 3: Two or three fellows would engage the shopkeeper by inquiring about the prices or buying something for namesake. Three others would be standing right behind staring around doing nothing in particular so as to veil off the ones behind.
STEP 4: Once this was done the fellows at the rear would empty down the LAYS packets,soft drinks or anything they could lay their hands upon, into their bags .
STEP 5: This being done we would vanish hastily to enjoy our loot elsewhere.
This was the 'modus operandi' and i must admit we were quite successful too. That we didn't frequent the same shop more than once a week went well down with the whole looting thing. Now,that i think of those incidents, i cant but proudly recollect how reckless and wild we were. We went on without being caught and i think that's what made us even more ruthless until that day.
We were as usual walking down the street to our tution classes all tired yet checking out a possible target to stage our 'act'. There weren't much shops open and tired that we were went into the first bakery that we saw. The plans as always was executed to perfection and we soon had our bags stuffed with the necessary merchandise. This being done,we proceeded to move out of the store after paying for the things we had consumed(read visibly) but it was not to be.
The shop keeper stopped us abruptly and asked us to pay for an extra packet of sweets. We stood there sporting an innocent puzzled look which was treasured for such precarious occasions. The shop keeper was not fooled. He grabbed the bag from one of us and took out the packet of sweets dramatically and held it aloft for the rest of customer's to see. We stood there flabbergasted and humiliated, heads hanging down and staring at our dirty shoes. Little did we know that more were yet to come.
"You have to pay for the packet of sweets "
DAMN! This was real trouble.The jerk was making use of our pathetic situation and earning his bucks,but we couldn't complain could we.We pulled out all the money we had and and was counting it feverishly,but it was still not enough! We were a good 40 Rs short of the price and we had to no clue about whats to be done.
It was then lady luck appeared in the form of a kind young lady,to prise us out of the situation. She paid the price and what more,let us have the packet of sweets too(BLIMEY!!).She was in her late thirties i guess and had a kind little face. The shopkeeper stared at us with an evil grin and nonchalantly accepted the money from her(the prick).We stood there flummoxed and stammering out words of gratitude. She waved off our apologies with a big smile and advised us not to do such a thing again and walked away. I never saw her again!
We walked back to our class with heavy hearts and all disappointed! I don't think anyone of us listened to what teacher taught that day and were lost in our thoughts.It was a setback! Once the guilt died down we racked our brains to find what gave us away at the shop to no avail.
I will never know what went wrong that day and how we got caught but i will always remember that smiling lady and her deed that saved our ass. We never went shoplifting again.
P.s: The stunts above were performed by experts and should not be tried out elsewhere by any reader. The author will bear no responsibility for the consequence!
Monday, August 2, 2010
cRooKEd !!!
"Mathematics"-the word spelled terror for me! Algebraic equations and the Trigonometry came to haunt my nightmares. One of the worst being myself stabbed repeatedly by an 'integral' and then my body 'differentiated'!!There is no end to the story of my sufferings at the hands of this merciless subject and endurance hit an all time low when i was in my ninth!
The incessant rebuke from parents and even frequent flunking in exams forced me to resort to an option i had dreaded all while.,TUTION.. and before you start smirking,the best part is yet to come. I was sent to Lakshmi Madam for the damn tutions. For those who are ignorant about Lakshmi miss,its pretty hard to get you acquainted with with her in words.Nevertheless i'll give it a shot.
Laksmi teacher is one who reminds me of the infamous role of THILAKAN in the film SPADIKAM(starring Mohanlal). The rough 'nails-on-wall' voice was well suited by the sarcasm if not anger(dunno which) painted all over.She treasured her ugly wicked stare which she threw out in abundance at any sign of infidelity while in class. This particularly infamous stare is something worth mentioning.It existed for one whole minute at the end of which the offender would obviously be shredded to pieces and consumed by his own sense of guilt(i would say fear is the right feeling though she claims otherwise).
This being said,the occasional breaks she gave was a huge relief and something to look forward to.Breaks meant incessant chatter and a respite from the cruel head crunching numbers and weird symbols with even strange names. Breaks also meant time to check out the girls in the class and making fun of the one sitting near you.The story i'm about to tell you happened on one such breaks.
It was a weekend and as expected Lakshmi teacher was struck with this impromptu idea of a marathon class. The class as always started on time and me as always arrived well past due. I got a seat near the front row near the girls,and before you run off with the idea that i came late on purpose i must add that the seat was much closer to where the teacher was seated and hence despised by the rest.
The class went on as usual with the mindless and unyielding calculations and symbols that made you drowsy.I sat staring at the numbers on my note book which seemed to pile up and i was not getting anywhere.Besides,as if the numbers tormenting me was not enough my friend 'Netholi'(the real name concealed but its rather evident i guess) who sat along with me were in a particularly 'pricky' mood of his was irritating me like anything.
Break time soon came and Lakshmi teacher left the class amidst much din which she sportingly ignored.This was payback time. I asked another of my fellow student Visakh to hold Netholi still.The plan was to smear chalk powder all over his face.This done,i put my hand out to grab some chalk powder from the black board without turning...
What i realized late was that fate had planned an even dirty prank for me.Instead of the black board my hand went towards a girl sitting besides our bench(as she had also come late) and the poor me assuming it was the board grabbed on it only to realize it was her shawl.Sensing something had gone wrong i turned only to see the girl pulling the shawl away and giving me a filthy stare! Expecting her hands to grace my cheeks any moment,i watched her flabbergasted. She flipped her head back and went back to what she was doing.
The real story ends here,though it was not to be. Netholi and Visakh were not ones who knew what 'discretion' was. They roared out laughing and spent no time in taking the story to everyone else in the class and in five minutes i was virtually a cooked rooster! Later on different version of the story started pouring out thanks to the two. They colored me into a sex craving lunatic who had stealthily pulled the girls shawl but caught red handed!The two even went on to put them as heroes who had saved the girl from the clutches of the evil me!
There it is. The story that had plauged me for years and maybe more to come. The girl's name is not mentioned as expected over concern over my own well being!
p.s: the story is true and could be verified with the persons mentioned,though i strictly warn the reader against that!
The incessant rebuke from parents and even frequent flunking in exams forced me to resort to an option i had dreaded all while.,TUTION.. and before you start smirking,the best part is yet to come. I was sent to Lakshmi Madam for the damn tutions. For those who are ignorant about Lakshmi miss,its pretty hard to get you acquainted with with her in words.Nevertheless i'll give it a shot.
Laksmi teacher is one who reminds me of the infamous role of THILAKAN in the film SPADIKAM(starring Mohanlal). The rough 'nails-on-wall' voice was well suited by the sarcasm if not anger(dunno which) painted all over.She treasured her ugly wicked stare which she threw out in abundance at any sign of infidelity while in class. This particularly infamous stare is something worth mentioning.It existed for one whole minute at the end of which the offender would obviously be shredded to pieces and consumed by his own sense of guilt(i would say fear is the right feeling though she claims otherwise).
This being said,the occasional breaks she gave was a huge relief and something to look forward to.Breaks meant incessant chatter and a respite from the cruel head crunching numbers and weird symbols with even strange names. Breaks also meant time to check out the girls in the class and making fun of the one sitting near you.The story i'm about to tell you happened on one such breaks.
It was a weekend and as expected Lakshmi teacher was struck with this impromptu idea of a marathon class. The class as always started on time and me as always arrived well past due. I got a seat near the front row near the girls,and before you run off with the idea that i came late on purpose i must add that the seat was much closer to where the teacher was seated and hence despised by the rest.
The class went on as usual with the mindless and unyielding calculations and symbols that made you drowsy.I sat staring at the numbers on my note book which seemed to pile up and i was not getting anywhere.Besides,as if the numbers tormenting me was not enough my friend 'Netholi'(the real name concealed but its rather evident i guess) who sat along with me were in a particularly 'pricky' mood of his was irritating me like anything.
Break time soon came and Lakshmi teacher left the class amidst much din which she sportingly ignored.This was payback time. I asked another of my fellow student Visakh to hold Netholi still.The plan was to smear chalk powder all over his face.This done,i put my hand out to grab some chalk powder from the black board without turning...
What i realized late was that fate had planned an even dirty prank for me.Instead of the black board my hand went towards a girl sitting besides our bench(as she had also come late) and the poor me assuming it was the board grabbed on it only to realize it was her shawl.Sensing something had gone wrong i turned only to see the girl pulling the shawl away and giving me a filthy stare! Expecting her hands to grace my cheeks any moment,i watched her flabbergasted. She flipped her head back and went back to what she was doing.
The real story ends here,though it was not to be. Netholi and Visakh were not ones who knew what 'discretion' was. They roared out laughing and spent no time in taking the story to everyone else in the class and in five minutes i was virtually a cooked rooster! Later on different version of the story started pouring out thanks to the two. They colored me into a sex craving lunatic who had stealthily pulled the girls shawl but caught red handed!The two even went on to put them as heroes who had saved the girl from the clutches of the evil me!
There it is. The story that had plauged me for years and maybe more to come. The girl's name is not mentioned as expected over concern over my own well being!
p.s: the story is true and could be verified with the persons mentioned,though i strictly warn the reader against that!
Monday, July 26, 2010
I WISH I WAS ...
"MY AMBITION" could be rated as the second common essay i have written(the first being about myself) since i learned to hold a pencil between my fingers and got thrown into the world of alphabets and words. The gradual progress from four lined note books to single lined ones to the ones without any wouldn't have any other to share this glory with. As the times passed so did my ambitions and still continue to do so.
Looking back at those carefree days and contemplating the journey i had reluctantly agreed to undertake, i feel amused to think of all those things i wished to become! Each one of them was so unique and the contradictions..stark, that i can hardly recollect many of them.The very few i remember,i shall list out.It might one day remind me of the wonderful days of my childhood and remain as milestones when i visit those days again in my memories..
FIRE FIGHTER
Ah! Before you burst out laughing and fall off the chair i must assure you there is not one child who might not have wished to be one! The big bright red trucks with red light and the wailing banshee cry or occasionally with a loud ringing bell was indeed a sight to watch. The firemen in their equally bright dresses were looked upon as super-heroes! Wielding the big long hose and fighting the flames was indeed a sight to watch.
The valiant hero in me was very much determined to pursue the firefighting dreams.I still remember the times i used to light up a fire with paper torn off my books and "Fearlessly" fighting it before putting it out with the garden hose.My ever active vigil and care ,to let no fire burn under my 'watchful' eyes ran into trouble with parent and i had to put an end to my wish.
My fire fighting days were soon over. My dreams were all burnt to ashes..fate,i must say is not without a sense of irony!
Code Breaker!!
I know you might raise your eyebrow and pull out a lopsided grin,but i implore of u to hear me out..
I dont know exactly from where i got the idea but i am guilty as charged. I wished to become a code breaker. It might be the Hollywood films for which i had picked a sudden fascination or the Sherlock Holmes books i had been reading of lately. Coded messages and cryptography became my passion.This was long before i knew about the existence of the word "Cryptography". Fascination grew into passion and later to obsession.
Those were the days i was studying in a co-ed school.I had no particular friends and nowhere to hang out during the lunch hours.Girls scared the shit out of me.That i didn't eat my lunch packed by my dear mom earned me more time.I found shelter from the rest of my dubious class mates of mine at the school library. Though not so big,it boasted a large number of books.The only catch was that i being in the pre-primary section was supposed to choose and read from a pile of 20 books perched on a table near the librarian.I was not supposed to wander into let alone touch any books from other sections.The librarian was a 30 something year old who always gave me a quizzical look whenever i went to him for a book.To cut the story short..i found myself amidst books at a very early age.
All said,the primary interest of that 9 year old me stranded in a library owing more to need than the love of it, was a small yellow cover hard bound book which had "CODES AND CIPHERS" written boldly in comic sans font if i remember right. I don't remember who the author was but the one thing i can still recollect is the young me running off to the library on the first ring of the bell and frantically searching for the book from that pile imposed on me. The joy of finding it and retreating to a corner of the library to have my time with it. The colourful illustrations and big font writing adhered to the fancies of a 9 year old! The book talked about the codes and ciphers and the wars waged and how spies used them to communicate.
This was long before i could spell 'Cryptography' and still the stories fascinated me. The book talked of simple coding methods like the alphabet substitution and similar ones. It was the days when the young me was fascinated with numbers and loved math(something lost whilst i grew older and taller). The interest in numbers and my self imp0osed exile to library helped imbide in me the most uncommon ambition ever conjured by a 9 yr old.. CODE BREAKER!
This sudden fascination started to feed upon my thoughts..dreams.. time and even dangerously..my pocket money!I started spending money on taking photostat of the my dear old book. It was money given to me for lunch(which i skipped needless to say) .I spent it on taking photocopies. The staff at library though curious was all happy to prise out every single paisa from the "crazy kid who nothing worthwhile to do than take copies of a damned comic book"!
Once i was done with my dear old yellow book i moved on to the reference section were i found a 'CHILD CRAFT' volume on numbers and codes. I devoured all i could lay my hands on and virtually photocopied every single page on codes from the books stacked up there.
The lunatic craze of mine for codes and code breaking met an abrupt end with me being shifted to another school. I have never seen my dear old yellow book in my life till date though my eyes still search for it any library or shop i visit though i still hope i will some day meet my old friend!
(i chanced to come across those old photocopies years later when i was cleaning out one of my old boxes .It brought back memories of those pleasant days of my school life. I still have have them all stacked up in an old bag..a testimony to one of my wildest wishes.)
SOLDIER
It was in 1988 i guess.Some old Pakistani up in the Kargil mountains(possibly smoking pot)was hit with a brilliant plan. So he gathered up some cronies and made their way down the mountains and into the Indian territory and en route murdered some innocent Kashmiris. Thus began the famous Kargil War. It was a time when patriotism was sweeping across the country and all prayers and wishes were showered on the brave Indian soldiers.
As all this was happening.. a 9 year ol back here,the farthest away from the point of interest had made up his mind to become a soldier. That this boy, one of the shortest boys in his class(sweating out to cross the 4 ft barrier) and weighing a paltry 40 something kilos made up his mind to combat the bloody terrorists up in Kashmir and that it was his destiny to do so.He waged imaginary wars...practiced mountain climbing and equally treacherous tasks on his staircase at home..gunned down hundreds of supposedly dangerous outlaws single handedly.He even made out of fatal traps(read as hands tied with bed sheet and surrounded by imaginary terrorists) unscathed.
Well to cut a long story short,that boy..to be precise me(which i think you might have guessed unless you were a abominable jerk)had to bury his dreams yet again. This time thanks to the Indian Army(who quickly scorched the terrorists' asses that they beat a fast retreat) and some psycho diplomats up there in Delhi who quickly wrapped up the war.My dreams and wishes lay defeated and crumbled again.
p.s: my life took turns and one way roads i never thought it would ,thus landing me in a totally different world so far away from my dreams and wishes i once had...well..maybe the guy up there had written a different essay for me.. :)
p.p.s: now i wish to become a spy!! ;)
Looking back at those carefree days and contemplating the journey i had reluctantly agreed to undertake, i feel amused to think of all those things i wished to become! Each one of them was so unique and the contradictions..stark, that i can hardly recollect many of them.The very few i remember,i shall list out.It might one day remind me of the wonderful days of my childhood and remain as milestones when i visit those days again in my memories..
FIRE FIGHTER
Ah! Before you burst out laughing and fall off the chair i must assure you there is not one child who might not have wished to be one! The big bright red trucks with red light and the wailing banshee cry or occasionally with a loud ringing bell was indeed a sight to watch. The firemen in their equally bright dresses were looked upon as super-heroes! Wielding the big long hose and fighting the flames was indeed a sight to watch.
The valiant hero in me was very much determined to pursue the firefighting dreams.I still remember the times i used to light up a fire with paper torn off my books and "Fearlessly" fighting it before putting it out with the garden hose.My ever active vigil and care ,to let no fire burn under my 'watchful' eyes ran into trouble with parent and i had to put an end to my wish.
My fire fighting days were soon over. My dreams were all burnt to ashes..fate,i must say is not without a sense of irony!
Code Breaker!!
I know you might raise your eyebrow and pull out a lopsided grin,but i implore of u to hear me out..
I dont know exactly from where i got the idea but i am guilty as charged. I wished to become a code breaker. It might be the Hollywood films for which i had picked a sudden fascination or the Sherlock Holmes books i had been reading of lately. Coded messages and cryptography became my passion.This was long before i knew about the existence of the word "Cryptography". Fascination grew into passion and later to obsession.
Those were the days i was studying in a co-ed school.I had no particular friends and nowhere to hang out during the lunch hours.Girls scared the shit out of me.That i didn't eat my lunch packed by my dear mom earned me more time.I found shelter from the rest of my dubious class mates of mine at the school library. Though not so big,it boasted a large number of books.The only catch was that i being in the pre-primary section was supposed to choose and read from a pile of 20 books perched on a table near the librarian.I was not supposed to wander into let alone touch any books from other sections.The librarian was a 30 something year old who always gave me a quizzical look whenever i went to him for a book.To cut the story short..i found myself amidst books at a very early age.
All said,the primary interest of that 9 year old me stranded in a library owing more to need than the love of it, was a small yellow cover hard bound book which had "CODES AND CIPHERS" written boldly in comic sans font if i remember right. I don't remember who the author was but the one thing i can still recollect is the young me running off to the library on the first ring of the bell and frantically searching for the book from that pile imposed on me. The joy of finding it and retreating to a corner of the library to have my time with it. The colourful illustrations and big font writing adhered to the fancies of a 9 year old! The book talked about the codes and ciphers and the wars waged and how spies used them to communicate.
This was long before i could spell 'Cryptography' and still the stories fascinated me. The book talked of simple coding methods like the alphabet substitution and similar ones. It was the days when the young me was fascinated with numbers and loved math(something lost whilst i grew older and taller). The interest in numbers and my self imp0osed exile to library helped imbide in me the most uncommon ambition ever conjured by a 9 yr old.. CODE BREAKER!
This sudden fascination started to feed upon my thoughts..dreams.. time and even dangerously..my pocket money!I started spending money on taking photostat of the my dear old book. It was money given to me for lunch(which i skipped needless to say) .I spent it on taking photocopies. The staff at library though curious was all happy to prise out every single paisa from the "crazy kid who nothing worthwhile to do than take copies of a damned comic book"!
Once i was done with my dear old yellow book i moved on to the reference section were i found a 'CHILD CRAFT' volume on numbers and codes. I devoured all i could lay my hands on and virtually photocopied every single page on codes from the books stacked up there.
The lunatic craze of mine for codes and code breaking met an abrupt end with me being shifted to another school. I have never seen my dear old yellow book in my life till date though my eyes still search for it any library or shop i visit though i still hope i will some day meet my old friend!
(i chanced to come across those old photocopies years later when i was cleaning out one of my old boxes .It brought back memories of those pleasant days of my school life. I still have have them all stacked up in an old bag..a testimony to one of my wildest wishes.)
SOLDIER
It was in 1988 i guess.Some old Pakistani up in the Kargil mountains(possibly smoking pot)was hit with a brilliant plan. So he gathered up some cronies and made their way down the mountains and into the Indian territory and en route murdered some innocent Kashmiris. Thus began the famous Kargil War. It was a time when patriotism was sweeping across the country and all prayers and wishes were showered on the brave Indian soldiers.
As all this was happening.. a 9 year ol back here,the farthest away from the point of interest had made up his mind to become a soldier. That this boy, one of the shortest boys in his class(sweating out to cross the 4 ft barrier) and weighing a paltry 40 something kilos made up his mind to combat the bloody terrorists up in Kashmir and that it was his destiny to do so.He waged imaginary wars...practiced mountain climbing and equally treacherous tasks on his staircase at home..gunned down hundreds of supposedly dangerous outlaws single handedly.He even made out of fatal traps(read as hands tied with bed sheet and surrounded by imaginary terrorists) unscathed.
Well to cut a long story short,that boy..to be precise me(which i think you might have guessed unless you were a abominable jerk)had to bury his dreams yet again. This time thanks to the Indian Army(who quickly scorched the terrorists' asses that they beat a fast retreat) and some psycho diplomats up there in Delhi who quickly wrapped up the war.My dreams and wishes lay defeated and crumbled again.
p.s: my life took turns and one way roads i never thought it would ,thus landing me in a totally different world so far away from my dreams and wishes i once had...well..maybe the guy up there had written a different essay for me.. :)
p.p.s: now i wish to become a spy!! ;)
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The first times..Part 3(what not to do@ interview!)
I slowly pushed the door open and it creaked loudly.Poking my head through the gap i stared around the not too brightly lit room..And there he was... A balding old fellow bent over some file , which i gathered to be my ill fated resume. I was midway stammering out a GOOD AFTERNOON SIR..when he waved me in without raising his head.
MISTAKE #1: I hastily made way to the chair opposite his table and sat on it as i felt my legs would give away any moment. Now when he slowly looked up anticipating me to be hanging around the chair, he was startled to see me sitting there staring at his face. He went back to scanning my resume with a sardonic smile.I breathed a sigh of relief..well at least he was not in a pugnacious mood for my own good.
He looked up and again and with a look over the specs perched midway up the nose, he threw it straight on my expectant and eager face..
" Tell me about yourself Anirudh"..
MISTAKE #2:I took a deep breath and in the matter of a few seconds i had ranted out the whole resume which i had memorized.(i realized later it was done in record time and way too faster than i had did it while practicing.. alas,it was not the time for medals or recognition).
Even the interviewer seemed perplexed and was giving me one of his frosty nosed stare! I managed to put out a meek smile and he seemed not to be satisfied.
He put the resume on the desk and pointing at it with disdain, shot the next question:
MISTAKE #2:I took a deep breath and in the matter of a few seconds i had ranted out the whole resume which i had memorized.(i realized later it was done in record time and way too faster than i had did it while practicing.. alas,it was not the time for medals or recognition).
Even the interviewer seemed perplexed and was giving me one of his frosty nosed stare! I managed to put out a meek smile and he seemed not to be satisfied.
He put the resume on the desk and pointing at it with disdain, shot the next question:
"this says you are an ACTIVE member of CSI(computer society of india)"
to which i nodded in acknowledgment.
MISTAKE #3: Its was then i realised how dangerous and lethal an adverb can become! A totally insignificant word..."active" was to jeopardize my whole life.Truth be told it was a line i had lifted from my friends resume in a bid to beef up my Extra Curricular activities.Now it has come back to haunt me and has caught me totally unawares. Expecting the worst i looked up at him with raised eyebrows and it was then he dropped the bomb!
to which i nodded in acknowledgment.
MISTAKE #3: Its was then i realised how dangerous and lethal an adverb can become! A totally insignificant word..."active" was to jeopardize my whole life.Truth be told it was a line i had lifted from my friends resume in a bid to beef up my Extra Curricular activities.Now it has come back to haunt me and has caught me totally unawares. Expecting the worst i looked up at him with raised eyebrows and it was then he dropped the bomb!
"Who is the current state president of CSI then?"
My mouth dropped open and i gulped! I opened my mouth in a futile attempt to answer but it was in vain. I stared wide eyed at him with an incredulous expression which he quite easily recognized as my submission move. Forget the current president..i never had attended a single meeting of the association in my life and didnt have the slightest clue as to what those nutcases did there.
He shrugged and prepared to move on to the next question when...
MISTAKE #4:I,in a final attempt at salvaging my sinking glory blurted out that i was infact an active member who happened to be on the wrong side of Mnemosyne and had forgotten the office bearers of the association.Its then i did the horrific mistake of claiming that i was a regular reader of the CSI journals and did infact take part in a whole lot of activities managed by them.
The interviewer was way too smart than i had thought and he called my bluff..
He shrugged and prepared to move on to the next question when...
MISTAKE #4:I,in a final attempt at salvaging my sinking glory blurted out that i was infact an active member who happened to be on the wrong side of Mnemosyne and had forgotten the office bearers of the association.Its then i did the horrific mistake of claiming that i was a regular reader of the CSI journals and did infact take part in a whole lot of activities managed by them.
The interviewer was way too smart than i had thought and he called my bluff..
"ok..then tell me what the title article of the last journal was?"
I was stubbed! i sat there mouth shut and the interviewer gave one of his Vulturous stares and smiled pitily at me. He frowned at me and remarked..
The interviewer though was in no mood for giving up as he went on scanning the resume. He again looked up and asked what was to be the final question..
"If this is the case i guess you have bluffed the whole resume"
I tried to reason with him and even pulled out my long forgotten CSI card from my purse and handed it over to him only to realise it was my Driving License with a crazy old photo of mine. The fello had a hearty laugh and handed it over to me while i sat there like the eternal fool!
I tried to reason with him and even pulled out my long forgotten CSI card from my purse and handed it over to him only to realise it was my Driving License with a crazy old photo of mine. The fello had a hearty laugh and handed it over to me while i sat there like the eternal fool!
The interviewer though was in no mood for giving up as he went on scanning the resume. He again looked up and asked what was to be the final question..
"tell me about your project."
Now finally something i had hoped vehemently for. I took no time in detailing him about our project and explaining its intricacies and challenges and concluded by convincing it was indeed a project which would substantiate my technical skills and support my claim. He seemed convince as i finally heaved a sigh of relief..
With that he concluded my interview and stood up to bid me goodbye. It was then he extended his hand for a cordial handshake. I was taken aback since i never expected that from this fellow.Still i put my hands out and shook his hands.
MISTAKE #5: Its then i realised how sweaty my hands were. The mounting pressure and tension had cast its effect on my hands and the sly devil was trying to check it. I realised it a tad too late and my hands were being slowly squished by the devil himself!
I stepped out of the room with and immediately dried my hands and my face since i had started sweating profusely! The shirt seemed too uncomfortable and i wanted to tear it away and run. I slowly made my way back to the main hall were the otheres were. I recited my disappointing story amidst a pile of eyes looking pitifully at me. A heap of consoling words were dumped all too casually over me as i was left to myself again..
I dont know how long i sat there contemplating when a fellow came in and asked me to follow him.He took me to another room where sat a young lady witha calm smile.. She welcomed me in and i walked in baffled! It was a class room and we sat on the same bench(romatic it may sound..but my heart was in my mouth). She enquired about my Social Activities and routine questions which were dismissed as required! She asked me to go back and wait with the rest which i did promptly.
Countless hours of mounting worry ensued as everyone grew impatient and hungry even more so. Finally by 11 pm the same young lady who had interviewed me came up witha list and callled out the name of those qualified. LO BEHOLD! my name too was called out towards the end of the list and i was again jumping with joy!That all my classmates too had qulaified gave way for even more celebration !
The ride back home will be one for my biography and one ill cherish for a long time to come!
With that the story of my first interview draws to a close and as some old wise fool said..
ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL!
With that he concluded my interview and stood up to bid me goodbye. It was then he extended his hand for a cordial handshake. I was taken aback since i never expected that from this fellow.Still i put my hands out and shook his hands.
MISTAKE #5: Its then i realised how sweaty my hands were. The mounting pressure and tension had cast its effect on my hands and the sly devil was trying to check it. I realised it a tad too late and my hands were being slowly squished by the devil himself!
I stepped out of the room with and immediately dried my hands and my face since i had started sweating profusely! The shirt seemed too uncomfortable and i wanted to tear it away and run. I slowly made my way back to the main hall were the otheres were. I recited my disappointing story amidst a pile of eyes looking pitifully at me. A heap of consoling words were dumped all too casually over me as i was left to myself again..
I dont know how long i sat there contemplating when a fellow came in and asked me to follow him.He took me to another room where sat a young lady witha calm smile.. She welcomed me in and i walked in baffled! It was a class room and we sat on the same bench(romatic it may sound..but my heart was in my mouth). She enquired about my Social Activities and routine questions which were dismissed as required! She asked me to go back and wait with the rest which i did promptly.
Countless hours of mounting worry ensued as everyone grew impatient and hungry even more so. Finally by 11 pm the same young lady who had interviewed me came up witha list and callled out the name of those qualified. LO BEHOLD! my name too was called out towards the end of the list and i was again jumping with joy!That all my classmates too had qulaified gave way for even more celebration !
The ride back home will be one for my biography and one ill cherish for a long time to come!
With that the story of my first interview draws to a close and as some old wise fool said..
ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The first times...part 2(the D-DAY)
TIME: 6:30 am
I dont actually remember what day it was but i can vividly remember and still paint an immaculate image of the day in my mind. I woke up(the adverb late to be added here and henceforth as needed) to the usual sounds that complemented my every mornings. It was just as any other day started.With mom and utensils raging a war in the kitchen.Dad buried deep inside the morning paper and all i saw was the hot fumes from the morning coffee coming up from it. I went on with my chores and soon i was dressed up in my lucky(which i call them now) shirt and trousers. I had to admit that i did look good in those. Time seemed to have got a pair of new wings.Time 7:15 am
Shoe was an obvious problem. I never owned a pair of formal shoes since the time i started
wearing them. My reebok sneakers winked up from the shoes stand,but this was not the time. I chose one of dad's shoes and settled down to wear them. CHAOS!! it was just half the size of my feet and i sat there wriggling and squeezing my feet into it. Finally i had them crammed into the tiny pair of shoes!
Time 7:50 am
The clock it seemed was in a haste as i hurriedly had a peck of the breakfast and flew out. Mom wished me luck and dad was chanting out the usual "DO's" and "DONT DO's". I ran out and started my 'activa' and before i knew i was dodging fellow commuters on the heavy traffic roads.The ride to the center was one of the longest and tedious i ever made.. I had to reach Marian College of Engineering at Kazhakootam and for me it was about driving from one end of the city to another. Why on earth they didnt choose our college which was more accessible i will never know!
A railway crossing.. a busy national highway.. and a million crowded junctions were all the more ready to hinder my progress.I reached there with five minute to go for the scheduled start of the selection process!
Time 8:30 am
The college was barren and dry like a desert and one literally in rubble.So unlike the pics on the website were screaming out(thanks to mad web designers and high resolution cameras). Luckily i found my class mates perched on top of make shift seats here and there around a huge banner saying ' WELCOME TO INFOSYS PLACEMENT DRIVE'.. aah..did i mention it was the placement drive for INFOSYS,if not..there it is for u.
Time 8:45 am
We were led to a auditorium sort of thing and after registration made to sit there. There it was.. Hundreds of them..gazing around..animatedly chatting..adjusting their dress.. my FELLOW ASPIRANTS!! They were all distracted..shifting uncomfortably..obnoxious chattering filling the hall. This went on for hours with more came trickling in to add to the din!
Time 10:45 am
Patience was running out and still there was no sign of anything happening,but at the right moment some jerk sprang out of nowhere and started fidgeting with the projector and lo behold! there was the INFOSYS logo fading in amidst a tired round of applause. The guy took over the mike after a hasty round of introductions. He went on to say about the company and how they provided services to the 'what-not' to the 'what-not' firms in countries around the globe. He stated emphatically over and again that this was the company that anyone would dream to work and a load of crap that totally went over my head!! Just like the routine,there was time for some dumb questions from audience which the host answered promptly..dumber..
Time 11:30 am
Once this was over with we were lead to separate rooms for the test to be conducted. This started off with filling up my details. This was quite tricky with Tamilian examiners of being no help. They seemed to talk some sort of English that only they could decipher which made it all the more worse. Then the question papers given out! Well i am not going into what they asked and what i wrote since this blog is already swiveling out of my control. It had a Language part and a Quantitative Analysis part and that was it.
Time 12:30 am
One hour was soon over and the examiners were soon collecting the question papers. This being done we went for the Lunch Break. Lunch was a silent affair with people brooding over what they wrote and some scurrying around hurriedly. I was too equipped with food that was given out in the name of 'Vegetable Meals'. It was the most disgusting things that made its way down my throat after the Cappuccino from cafe coffee day. It took a huge effort to tuck a few morsels to maintain my gastronomy equilibrium(more clearly..hunger)..
Time 1:30 pm
We were soon back in the hall waiting for the results to come.They promised to put them within a short while. People were bent down praying and some were ogling at the huge number of chicks crowded around!
Time 3:30 pm
Still no sign of results. People had started wandering around and growing impatient!
Time 4:45 pm
They managed to tabulate the results after 4 hours. This time it was another fellow who steeped on to the stage and without much intro(thank god for that) started calling out names. Each of the persons called were asked to assemble by the far side of the hall. As the list was drawing to a close and the crowd at the corner getting thicker i lost all hope. Suddenly my name was called out and my stomach did a back flip.It took me some time to register the fact that my name was indeed called. I stood up and made way my way to the rest of the group beaming proudly. My joy knew no bounds an i was literally dancing by the time i reached there.
Time 5:00 pm
We were again asked to assemble at a room and they briefed us about the drill and started collecting the resumes. Once this was done we waited for our chance as one by one were called in to be devoured by the interviewer monster lurking in some room along that floor. The ones who came back were smiling and had to say only about the jovial guys they were interviewed by. How he asked about the lunch they had and how much mileage their bikes got and a hoard of other totally nonsensical stuff.This did ease my nerves and i went back to memorizing my resume(of which you mite be aware if you had read my earlier posts).
Time 7:25 pm
Finally the guy who had collected my resume called out my name and asked me to go to a specific room...
I dragged myself over there rather nervously and the puled the door wide open..
......What followed must have to be put aside into another post it seems owing to my over elaborate descriptions and imagery..I owe that to the years of conjuring up total gibberish and nonsense for my degree examinations.. So blame the Kerala University if u have to.
Jokes apart,i'll be back with the story of that eventful interview and what followed suit as soon as possible and til then enjoy the brief respite from my awkward sense of humour!!
[p.s: i didnt do this for the dramatic effect in sound like those cheap mallu tv serials. Any notion to the contrary is total nonsense.]
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Flawed thoughts and Redemption- A Journey!
This might sound strange coming from me...but then as i sit here,i am overwhelmed with a huge tide of emotions.. Guilt...awe..and gratitude could be the possible ones i could sense,but then i know its loads more than i can comprehend.
I had been a self proclaimed 'Atheist' from the time i realized girls were meant to be stared at and why god ever took the effort and poor old Adam's hip bone to create that species(forgive my vanity and my disdain towards that gender). I was an out and out 'non-believer' and often vehemently expressed my opinion to my friends and parents. I often ridiculed them for their insanity and my moms over zealous fascination for temples and anything related ,further strengthened my opinions. I would whine when i was pulled along to temples for the weekly visits.It was one of those things i least looked forward for. That there was a supreme super power somewhere out there managing the everyday business of the world was more than i could take in. To believe there was a 'someone' up there in the heavens who ordained things for us down here was too much crap!
I had always believed in the saying..'u reap what u sow' and strongly believed that what befell me was solely the results of my actions and not at the discretion of a second person. I opposed those who dared to advocate the opposite. That they found this guy 'GOD' to blame for their troubles and praise for their fortunes felt bizzare. I tried to stay aloof from the religious activities which lead to a lot of hue and cry.
Though this being the case there were times i called out to this invisible force when life threw baffling problems at me. There were times i badly wanted to cling on to the hope of an external power solving my problems and setting things right for me, but was way too adamant and proud to admit it.
Time is a good teacher they say..and true indeed it is.. I grew up to realize how insanely wrong i was. That it was me who was acting strange and not the thousands of others who took every effort to appease their favorite deities willing to suffer anything for that matter. It was me who was turning a blind eye to the obvious which was staring at me for so long.Only that i was stupid enough to ignore it,only to suffer the consequences.
The journey of redemption was slow and even more steady. I learned to respect the anonymity and the divinity attributed to the things that were happening in my life. I learned to be grateful for the the favors received from someone whom i learned to call 'GOD' . The transition was anything but smooth. I learned and realized that things that i had taken for granted were but perks from this guy and i grew indebted to him.
Now at this moment when i stand with my first job offer letter and my degree results i cant but stare up and feel his glory wash me.. its time i acknowledged his plans for me...
"Thanks for everything old fellow"...
[p.s: i wanted to contain this post to a few lines but thoughts and feelings are something i have not learned to contain and hence...]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
