This might sound strange coming from me...but then as i sit here,i am overwhelmed with a huge tide of emotions.. Guilt...awe..and gratitude could be the possible ones i could sense,but then i know its loads more than i can comprehend.
I had been a self proclaimed 'Atheist' from the time i realized girls were meant to be stared at and why god ever took the effort and poor old Adam's hip bone to create that species(forgive my vanity and my disdain towards that gender). I was an out and out 'non-believer' and often vehemently expressed my opinion to my friends and parents. I often ridiculed them for their insanity and my moms over zealous fascination for temples and anything related ,further strengthened my opinions. I would whine when i was pulled along to temples for the weekly visits.It was one of those things i least looked forward for. That there was a supreme super power somewhere out there managing the everyday business of the world was more than i could take in. To believe there was a 'someone' up there in the heavens who ordained things for us down here was too much crap!
I had always believed in the saying..'u reap what u sow' and strongly believed that what befell me was solely the results of my actions and not at the discretion of a second person. I opposed those who dared to advocate the opposite. That they found this guy 'GOD' to blame for their troubles and praise for their fortunes felt bizzare. I tried to stay aloof from the religious activities which lead to a lot of hue and cry.
Though this being the case there were times i called out to this invisible force when life threw baffling problems at me. There were times i badly wanted to cling on to the hope of an external power solving my problems and setting things right for me, but was way too adamant and proud to admit it.
Time is a good teacher they say..and true indeed it is.. I grew up to realize how insanely wrong i was. That it was me who was acting strange and not the thousands of others who took every effort to appease their favorite deities willing to suffer anything for that matter. It was me who was turning a blind eye to the obvious which was staring at me for so long.Only that i was stupid enough to ignore it,only to suffer the consequences.
The journey of redemption was slow and even more steady. I learned to respect the anonymity and the divinity attributed to the things that were happening in my life. I learned to be grateful for the the favors received from someone whom i learned to call 'GOD' . The transition was anything but smooth. I learned and realized that things that i had taken for granted were but perks from this guy and i grew indebted to him.
Now at this moment when i stand with my first job offer letter and my degree results i cant but stare up and feel his glory wash me.. its time i acknowledged his plans for me...
"Thanks for everything old fellow"...
[p.s: i wanted to contain this post to a few lines but thoughts and feelings are something i have not learned to contain and hence...]
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