I WISH I WAS ...

"MY AMBITION" could be rated as the second common essay i have written(the first being about myself) since i learned to hold a pencil between my fingers and got thrown into the world of alphabets and words. The gradual progress from four lined note books to single lined ones to the ones without any wouldn't have any other to share this glory with. As the times passed so did my ambitions and still continue to do so.

Looking back at those carefree days and contemplating the journey i had reluctantly agreed to undertake, i feel amused to think of all those things i wished to become! Each one of them was so unique and the contradictions..stark, that i can hardly recollect many of them.The very few i remember,i shall list out.It might one day remind me of the wonderful days of my childhood and remain as milestones when i visit those days again in my memories..

FIRE FIGHTER













Ah! Before you burst out laughing and fall off the chair i must assure you there is not one child who might not have wished to be one! The big bright red trucks with red light and the wailing banshee cry or occasionally with a loud ringing bell was indeed a sight to watch. The firemen in their equally bright dresses were looked upon as super-heroes! Wielding the big long hose and fighting the flames was indeed a sight to watch.

The valiant hero in me was very much determined to pursue the firefighting dreams.I still remember the times i used to light up a fire with paper torn off my books and "Fearlessly" fighting it before putting it out with the garden hose.My ever active vigil and care ,to let no fire burn under my 'watchful' eyes ran into trouble with parent and i had to put an end to my wish.

My fire fighting days were soon over. My dreams were all burnt to ashes..fate,i must say is not without a sense of irony!

Code Breaker!!

I know you might raise your eyebrow and pull out a lopsided grin,but i implore of u to hear me out..
I dont know exactly from where i got the idea but i am guilty as charged. I wished to become a code breaker. It might be the Hollywood films for which i had picked a sudden fascination or the Sherlock Holmes books i had been reading of lately. Coded messages and cryptography became my passion.This was long before i knew about the existence of the word "Cryptography". Fascination grew into passion and later to obsession.

Those were the days i was studying in a co-ed school.I had no particular friends and nowhere to hang out during the lunch hours.Girls scared the shit out of me.That i didn't eat my lunch packed by my dear mom earned me more time.I found shelter from the rest of my dubious class mates of mine at the school library. Though not so big,it boasted a large number of books.The only catch was that i being in the pre-primary section was supposed to choose and read from a pile of 20 books perched on a table near the librarian.I was not supposed to wander into let alone touch any books from other sections.The librarian was a 30 something year old who always gave me a quizzical look whenever i went to him for a book.To cut the story short..i found myself amidst books at a very early age.

All said,the primary interest of that 9 year old me stranded in a library owing more to need than the love of it, was a small yellow cover hard bound book which had "CODES AND CIPHERS" written boldly in comic sans font if i remember right. I don't remember who the author was but the one thing i can still recollect is the young me running off to the library on the first ring of the bell and frantically searching for the book from that pile imposed on me. The joy of finding it and retreating to a corner of the library to have my time with it. The colourful illustrations and big font writing adhered to the fancies of a 9 year old! The book talked about the codes and ciphers and the wars waged and how spies used them to communicate.

This was long before i could spell 'Cryptography' and still the stories fascinated me. The book talked of simple coding methods like the alphabet substitution and similar ones. It was the days when the young me was fascinated with numbers and loved math(something lost whilst i grew older and taller). The interest in numbers and my self imp0osed exile to library helped imbide in me the most uncommon ambition ever conjured by a 9 yr old.. CODE BREAKER!

This sudden fascination started to feed upon my thoughts..dreams.. time and even dangerously..my pocket money!I started spending money on taking photostat of the my dear old book. It was money given to me for lunch(which i skipped needless to say) .I spent it on taking photocopies. The staff at library though curious was all happy to prise out every single paisa from the "crazy kid who nothing worthwhile to do than take copies of a damned comic book"!

Once i was done with my dear old yellow book i moved on to the reference section were i found a 'CHILD CRAFT' volume on numbers and codes. I devoured all i could lay my hands on and virtually photocopied every single page on codes from the books stacked up there.

The lunatic craze of mine for codes and code breaking met an abrupt end with me being shifted to another school. I have never seen my dear old yellow book in my life till date though my eyes still search for it any library or shop i visit though i still hope i will some day meet my old friend!

(i chanced to come across those old photocopies years later when i was cleaning out one of my old boxes .It brought back memories of those pleasant days of my school life. I still have have them all stacked up in an old bag..a testimony to one of my wildest wishes.)

SOLDIER












It was in 1988 i guess.Some old Pakistani up in the Kargil mountains(possibly smoking pot)was hit with a brilliant plan. So he gathered up some cronies and made their way down the mountains and into the Indian territory and en route murdered some innocent Kashmiris. Thus began the famous Kargil War. It was a time when patriotism was sweeping across the country and all prayers and wishes were showered on the brave Indian soldiers.

As all this was happening.. a 9 year ol back here,the farthest away from the point of interest had made up his mind to become a soldier. That this boy, one of the shortest boys in his class(sweating out to cross the 4 ft barrier) and weighing a paltry 40 something kilos made up his mind to combat the bloody terrorists up in Kashmir and that it was his destiny to do so.He waged imaginary wars...practiced mountain climbing and equally treacherous tasks on his staircase at home..gunned down hundreds of supposedly dangerous outlaws single handedly.He even made out of fatal traps(read as hands tied with bed sheet and surrounded by imaginary terrorists) unscathed.

Well to cut a long story short,that boy..to be precise me(which i think you might have guessed unless you were a abominable jerk)had to bury his dreams yet again. This time thanks to the Indian Army(who quickly scorched the terrorists' asses that they beat a fast retreat) and some psycho diplomats up there in Delhi who quickly wrapped up the war.My dreams and wishes lay defeated and crumbled again.

p.s: my life took turns and one way roads i never thought it would ,thus landing me in a totally different world so far away from my dreams and wishes i once had...well..maybe the guy up there had written a different essay for me.. :)

p.p.s: now i wish to become a spy!! ;)